5 ways to Be a better mum

In 2014 I became a mother of a beautiful boy. Little did I know, that this boy would become the biggest lesson in my life. 7 years into motherhood I came in terms with this relationship and the truth is as parents we need to let go of the need to control everything and just allow them to be themselves. Also the fact that no one is perfect applies to parenthood as well. From my experience even though i’m not a perfect mom, I found that using these five ways below made me a better mother until now and I’m sure that some will be helpful for you too thus I’m sharing this article with you. Feel more than welcome to add the ways you are handling motherhood, to help further mothers and fathers that might feel hopeless (you know what i’m talking about 😛 )

So let’s talk my real life ways of dealing with motherhood (i’m sure this will need an upgrade soon enough as each age is different and requires another version of us to deal with):

I email my thoughts to my son

so how does that help? Well, one day i got an idea. I’m emailing so many people for work, i take my time to tell them nicely what is in my head – so why i don’t do that with my son as well? I have so many thoughts in my head during the day, about me doing a good job or not with him, all these doubts and worries are running around my head. So i just talk to him in written form, so one day in the future he reads all these emails and understands what a tough job was to bring him up. Maybe he gets to appreciate better everything around him and how lucky he was. And it gets even better – I email him our memories – photos I want him to have (since we are all digital now) and random conversations because I want him to see how silly and smart he could get since he was young…

You are being a better mother if you spill out all the thoughts you have inside – even if it is your future grown up son.

I allow him to choose one holiday for us

Once a year I let him choose what holiday he wants us to have. Before the virus, I remember I handed him the map of Cyprus and I asked him to choose where should I drive to for the day. He closed his eyes and pointed out Akrotiri area in Limassol. I never went there and it was an adventure for both of us. I also gave him my camera and explained how to use it so he could be creative along the journey as well (to my surprise he got some very nice shoots). Then again with closed eyes he pointed out Platres, where we would find a hotel to stay in for the night. There wasn’t any availability and I kindly asked 2 to 3 different hotels if they had any cancellation to let me know since I was alone with my son and I couldn’t disappoint him on his own adventure. I remember he told me ‘don’t worry mum, we can stay in the car for the night, as long as i’m with you’. As much as I would love to say that we indeed stayed in that car cause it would make such an interesting story to tell you, the man from the hotel called and told us there was a last minute cancellation and he would wait for us if we wanted the room. My point of the story, is to make them feel they are the stars of the story because sometimes they are hidden drama queens and they love being leaders and making us the followers. After all to their little world, everything is an adventure, life, school, holidays… It’s up to us to add some spice and some salt for them in a safe and healthy manner. Well this was my way:) Getting him to choose for 1-2 days how to spend our holidays…

You are being a better mother if you allow them to explore and trust their skills.

I ask him often what he wants to become when he grows up – and we take notes.

Remember when you were a kid? and you were saying the known ”when i grow up I will be…”. Ok, i don’t know about you but I told my parents over a dozen of jobs I would love to be doing. But I don’t remember them all and the reason why I wanted them. So with my son, we created a notebook ‘When I grow up I want to….’ and he is allowed to express himself in written form but also draw his vision. You can see an astronaut in there, a weird spacecraft as an ice cream van(he wants to deliver ice cream to space) and many others, which from time to time he goes back to and says ”mum i’ve changed my mind, i don’t want to be a police officer after all.” I like these conversations with him as I can see how he thinks and how his mindset and character is shifting. Also we will be having evidence in the future that he wanted to do all these jobs which is pretty cool to me – and to him – i hope so.

You are being a better mother when you hold them accountable in a notebook about their future plans.

I ask for help when I need some alone time.

Ok motherhood is not happy selfies and beauty sleeps all the time. It’s fussy, loud, scary and pretty exhausting. So what do you do when you as a parent want a holiday from your kid. First you need to understand it’s ok to feel this way sometimes (not all the time) and the best thing you can do is ASK FOR HELP. Just because your friends and family are busy, doesn’t mean they are going to say no to you if all you want is a massage therapy for one hour without your kid shouting ”is it over now? can we go back home?”. Explain to someone close to you that you truly trust the urge you have for some time alone or just a few hours baby sit until you get some shopping or chores together. I bet they will be by your side every single time. For this part I feel really blessed I have my family – my mum and dad – to watch over my son when I need to do some stuff alone.

You are being a better mother when you don’t do everything on your own and you take time to take care of yourself too.

I never compare my abilities as a mother to other mothers.

My son is always very loving with me, calling me the best mom in the world because im ‘his’ mom. What a smart kid. I wish all mothers knew that. Our kids love us because simply we are their mothers. That’s a beautiful thought to keep in mind everytime we watch stories on Instagram about other examples of mums, about Christmas gifts, about holidays all over the world, about schools and clothes and all the stuff we buy for our kids. It simply doesn’t matter what the other have. What matters is that we as mothers give our time to our children and teach them the simplicity of this love so they can appreciate it as time passes by. All the rest will vanish in the end… But love..;. Love remains in the heart for years to come…

You are being a better mother when you feel confident and trust your insticts.

Every mother, every parent has daily choices. Choices that grow up children to becoming adults. Choices that affect one life or maybe even more lives. Let us all have the courage to take these decisions with all the wisdom that life has given us and do not allow ego and tradition take over. Let’s all grow children with hope, with vision, with an urge to make a difference to this world.

– Find Your Own Ithaka-

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT WHAT OUR PURPOSE IS?

WHAT ARE WE MEANT TO BE?

It took me a while but finally I am writing this motivational article. I am very happy to share with you what my experience taught me and what a great friend of mine (Andros Zacharia) helped me realize during one of his speeches.

It’s actually amazing how we can discover our purpose and raise our self-esteem.

The process of discovering WHY we were born and raised in this world is truly magical. It’s magical because we don’t really know how the universe works and slowly slowly it moves us towards our ‘destination’.

. The truth is that the journey towards our destination will be stressful and time consuming with an uncertain ‘ending’.

Personally, I call my own journey Ithaka (Ιθάκη)

[one of my favourite stories form Greek mythology and a Greek island]

[Keep reading and you will understand what Ithaka means]

Luckily or not we grow up in an environment where it has standards that affect our stress levels to the maximum. The reason of those increased stress levels is actually the pressure we put to ourselves to follow the standards. Not because we agree with what our society supports and promotes but because we live under the fear of failing in the eyes of other people.

Many of us spent their life in survival and consciously we are coping with these ‘standards’ , anticipating the worst case scenario and not letting ourselves to become who we wish to be.

Dear reader, we have to escape from this zone. Your future is created from the unknown, you cannot predict it. Do what you love and follow your own Ithaka.

How to help yourself during this period??

| Learn Your Self

| Master Your Brain

| Imagine

| Learn from New Experiences

The video below opened my eyes. Listen this powerful speech before you continue reading.

Do not be afraid of the unknown. Create your future with your personal reality!

Every journey is difficult at the beginning but you never know what future will bring to you unless you attract what you are keen to have!

(click here to get some attraction tips)

By doing what you love you will help yourself mentally to discover your Ithaka… the reason you were born in this world! I will not lie to you, it will not be easy, you should master your brain to get away from negative energies that shadow your dreams.

YOU ARE THE SHADOW OF OTHER PEOPLES’ PURPOSE  

AS MY FRIEND ANDROS SAID.

Although that some shadows have negative impact on us, they can also be helpful or supportive during this journey.

How?

Lets try an experiment to get more familiar how our future is           created from other peoples' shadows.

Imagine you are walking in a dark place… There are few people around you and one of them is approaching you and start walking for a while next to you. He is speaking to you and suddenly he disappears.

You now feel abandoned but you keep walking in this dark path. Suddenly the path is getting lighter, there are more trees around you, animals and a lake.

Do not stop there…

Keep walking…

Another person is approaching you! He is walking by your side, talking and laughing with you and unexpectedly he pushes you.. you get hurt and you are bleeding. That was painful and you are struggling to get up again…

Eventually, you stand up and you keep walking again. The light is about to disappear and then, two other strangers are grabbing you tightly and you continue walking together.

The path is shining now… Your scar disappears.
Feelings of happiness and joy surround you and you keep walking with your new friends. You see more light as you go further.

Keep walking, nobody can stop you!

One of your friends gets hurt and you help him get better but after a while you decide that it’s time to leave him behind because he is not the same person you met… and you run!

After a long run you arrive in a beautiful place full of green mountains, a big lake and many many smiley people.

Do you remember the place that you been dreaming to visit a long time ago?

You are there now!

You are overwhelmed, you can’t express your feeling in words. Even if you choose to be alone you decide to stay there because your heart is fluttering.

You arrive where you should have been but it took some time and you had to leave some people behind you.

..this is how we shadow others’ journey in what we call ‘life’

This is life, you will eventually find happiness and fulfilment!

You now may feel lost and disappointed with your life but do not forget…

‘’There is always A dark side of us.

The one you HAVE been through shit alone and no one knows how much you suffered.

You would be okay, it takes time, but you will escape the tunnel. ”

-Andros Zacharia-

There is not such a thing to let you down. You will follow your own path and you will steadily find out why you were born in this planet.

Value your adversities, let them grow you… and then let them go.

It has been a difficult time for me, I can write for hours but I will close this short article here with the poem Ithaka.

Hope your road is a long one.

May there be many summer mornings when,

with what pleasure, what joy,

you enter harbors you’re seeing for the first time;

may you stop at Phoenician trading stations

to buy fine things,

mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,

sensual perfume of every kind—

as many sensual perfumes as you can;

and may you visit many Egyptian cities

to learn and go on learning from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.

Arriving there is what you’re destined for.

But don’t hurry the journey at all.

Better if it lasts for years,

so you’re old by the time you reach the island,

wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,

not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.

Without her you wouldn’t have set out.

She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.

Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,

you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.


C. P. Cavafy, “The City” from C.P. Cavafy: Collected Poems. 

I hope you understand why I named my journey Ithaka

Thank you for reading, I hope this helps!

#gelology

3 ways to get things done when you lack motivation

You know those days when you wake up in the morning, swear that you’re going to do everything on your to-do list and be productive and then you just…don’t? When suddenly it’s 6pm, the day has gone by and you’re still in your pyjamas, on your sofa, zoned out in front of the TV, binge watching this series or that?

I certainly know all about it, and a few of my friends can identify. I know that at the end of the day I’m going to feel terrible for having wasted a full day, but I still do it. I don’t bake those cookies I bought the ingredients for, I don’t exercise, and I don’t paint, because I can always do it tomorrow. But it’s always today, and there’s always tomorrow, so things basically never get done, unless there is no tomorrow.

Why is it though that we always postpone things until tomorrow? Why don’t we want to do it now? It’s always been a puzzle for me why people don’t have the motivation to do the things that they want to do. Because a lot of us do want to do some things, we just…don’t. In my case, it’s not like I hate baking or cooking, I actually love those things, but I’ll still feel demotivated, very often.

So how do we get motivation to get things done?

1

Think of how good you will feel after you’ve accomplished your (short-term) task.

Photo by David Marcu on Unsplash

A sense of accomplishment can be the biggest motivator. Sure, you feel reluctant now, but just think of how good it will feel after you’ve finished. For example, I hate cleaning, but there’s nothing that I love more than sitting in my clean home. Worst case scenario, you bake the cookies, you still feel demotivated, but at least now you have cookies.

2

Visualise your long-term success

If it’s a long-term goal, like getting in shape, writing a book, or even starting your own business, it takes a million small tasks to get there. I always have trouble with long-term goals, because although my inspiration spans are intense and make me feel that I can change the world, they are sudden and short-lived. When I don’t have them (which is most of the time), I try to ignore my brain going “c’mooooooon, not nooooow”, like a teenager who is asked to clean out their room. Instead, I try to think of what it will feel like when I actually accomplish my goal.

An effective technique for visualisation is to take a piece of paper and write down how you imagine yourself in your success. Write down every detail you can imagine: what you look like, what you are thinking about in that moment, where you are, who is around you, the smell of your surroundings, the weather, even what you are wearing. The more detail you put into this mental image the better. Write it all down, and read it every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep. This helps imprint the message and the goal in our minds, and gets our subconscious to work towards this goal.

Basically, you just brainwash yourself into making things happen. Trust me, it works. Demotivation was probably hardwired into your brain due to some underlying reason, such as fear of failure, because you repeated it to yourself one too many times – so many in fact, that you have convinced yourself you can’t sustain your own business, or you’ll never finish that book. Hence, if you never try, you never fail, and you are safe, right?

WRONG.

Failing feels terrible, but it teaches us a lot of things (more on that on a different post). And, in the same way that you programmed your brain to expect (and summon) failure, you can re-program your brain to expect (and summon!) success.

So, think of your success, feel your success, and brainwash yourself into believing in your success.

3

Just. Do it.

Don’t think, just do it. When method no. 1 and method no. 2 don’t work, just do it. Once your brain starts to say “maybe leave it for tomor…” don’t let it finish. Get up that very instant (or as soon as possible) and do it. No counting to three, no debating. Make no mistake, you will lose.
So Just,Do It.

Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Chasing our goals and dreams comes easier to some than others. The good news is, our brain is a tool, and we can reprogram it to work for our benefit instead of against it. Inspiration is ideal, but even if we’re having a bad day and the inspiration is just not there, there are ways to push ourselves towards our goals and keep us on the path to self-achievement.

The Creative Cactusundefined