In 2014 I became a mother of a beautiful boy. Little did I know, that this boy would become the biggest lesson in my life. 7 years into motherhood I came in terms with this relationship and the truth is as parents we need to let go of the need to control everything and just allow them to be themselves. Also the fact that no one is perfect applies to parenthood as well. From my experience even though i’m not a perfect mom, I found that using these five ways below made me a better mother until now and I’m sure that some will be helpful for you too thus I’m sharing this article with you. Feel more than welcome to add the ways you are handling motherhood, to help further mothers and fathers that might feel hopeless (you know what i’m talking about 😛 )
So let’s talk my real life ways of dealing with motherhood (i’m sure this will need an upgrade soon enough as each age is different and requires another version of us to deal with):
I email my thoughts to my son
so how does that help? Well, one day i got an idea. I’m emailing so many people for work, i take my time to tell them nicely what is in my head – so why i don’t do that with my son as well? I have so many thoughts in my head during the day, about me doing a good job or not with him, all these doubts and worries are running around my head. So i just talk to him in written form, so one day in the future he reads all these emails and understands what a tough job was to bring him up. Maybe he gets to appreciate better everything around him and how lucky he was. And it gets even better – I email him our memories – photos I want him to have (since we are all digital now) and random conversations because I want him to see how silly and smart he could get since he was young…
You are being a better mother if you spill out all the thoughts you have inside – even if it is your future grown up son.
I allow him to choose one holiday for us
Once a year I let him choose what holiday he wants us to have. Before the virus, I remember I handed him the map of Cyprus and I asked him to choose where should I drive to for the day. He closed his eyes and pointed out Akrotiri area in Limassol. I never went there and it was an adventure for both of us. I also gave him my camera and explained how to use it so he could be creative along the journey as well (to my surprise he got some very nice shoots). Then again with closed eyes he pointed out Platres, where we would find a hotel to stay in for the night. There wasn’t any availability and I kindly asked 2 to 3 different hotels if they had any cancellation to let me know since I was alone with my son and I couldn’t disappoint him on his own adventure. I remember he told me ‘don’t worry mum, we can stay in the car for the night, as long as i’m with you’. As much as I would love to say that we indeed stayed in that car cause it would make such an interesting story to tell you, the man from the hotel called and told us there was a last minute cancellation and he would wait for us if we wanted the room. My point of the story, is to make them feel they are the stars of the story because sometimes they are hidden drama queens and they love being leaders and making us the followers. After all to their little world, everything is an adventure, life, school, holidays… It’s up to us to add some spice and some salt for them in a safe and healthy manner. Well this was my way:) Getting him to choose for 1-2 days how to spend our holidays…
You are being a better mother if you allow them to explore and trust their skills.
I ask him often what he wants to become when he grows up – and we take notes.
Remember when you were a kid? and you were saying the known ”when i grow up I will be…”. Ok, i don’t know about you but I told my parents over a dozen of jobs I would love to be doing. But I don’t remember them all and the reason why I wanted them. So with my son, we created a notebook ‘When I grow up I want to….’ and he is allowed to express himself in written form but also draw his vision. You can see an astronaut in there, a weird spacecraft as an ice cream van(he wants to deliver ice cream to space) and many others, which from time to time he goes back to and says ”mum i’ve changed my mind, i don’t want to be a police officer after all.” I like these conversations with him as I can see how he thinks and how his mindset and character is shifting. Also we will be having evidence in the future that he wanted to do all these jobs which is pretty cool to me – and to him – i hope so.
You are being a better mother when you hold them accountable in a notebook about their future plans.
I ask for help when I need some alone time.
Ok motherhood is not happy selfies and beauty sleeps all the time. It’s fussy, loud, scary and pretty exhausting. So what do you do when you as a parent want a holiday from your kid. First you need to understand it’s ok to feel this way sometimes (not all the time) and the best thing you can do is ASK FOR HELP. Just because your friends and family are busy, doesn’t mean they are going to say no to you if all you want is a massage therapy for one hour without your kid shouting ”is it over now? can we go back home?”. Explain to someone close to you that you truly trust the urge you have for some time alone or just a few hours baby sit until you get some shopping or chores together. I bet they will be by your side every single time. For this part I feel really blessed I have my family – my mum and dad – to watch over my son when I need to do some stuff alone.
You are being a better mother when you don’t do everything on your own and you take time to take care of yourself too.
I never compare my abilities as a mother to other mothers.
My son is always very loving with me, calling me the best mom in the world because im ‘his’ mom. What a smart kid. I wish all mothers knew that. Our kids love us because simply we are their mothers. That’s a beautiful thought to keep in mind everytime we watch stories on Instagram about other examples of mums, about Christmas gifts, about holidays all over the world, about schools and clothes and all the stuff we buy for our kids. It simply doesn’t matter what the other have. What matters is that we as mothers give our time to our children and teach them the simplicity of this love so they can appreciate it as time passes by. All the rest will vanish in the end… But love..;. Love remains in the heart for years to come…
You are being a better mother when you feel confident and trust your insticts.
Every mother, every parent has daily choices. Choices that grow up children to becoming adults. Choices that affect one life or maybe even more lives. Let us all have the courage to take these decisions with all the wisdom that life has given us and do not allow ego and tradition take over. Let’s all grow children with hope, with vision, with an urge to make a difference to this world.
AIMERLAVIE 